It seems like I'm in another person's body, nine-months pregnant with a beach ball belly. I've not written much lately because somehow it feels like I'll jinx this little miracle by talking about it so publicly. Even now, dealing with a high risk pregnancy that is near term I'm still hesitant to write about Baby Girl. I've realized as a result I've not really been blogging though since my whole life and all my thoughts are about her. I don't really want to be just a 'mommy-blogger' either.
But, I figure I need to write a quick update before our life explodes with the life of a newborn. Baby Girl is now 36 weeks and my perinatologist and obstetrician want to induce a little early. On January 24th we'll undergo some testing to see if we can induce or if we need to schedule a cesarean. At 35 weeks she was already just over 7lbs and her head was measuring about three weeks ahead of schedule.We're considered high risk at this point because of a severe excess of amniotic fluid, called polyhydramnios or hydramnios.
The Husband and I have been preparing her nursery today, however temporary it is. We also have to move soon because with the baby and the huge increase in rent we can't afford to live here anymore. Things are stressful and there is so much to do but I'm honestly trying to heed my mother's advice and enjoy every little pregnant moment. I've been writing in a journal religiously and spend too much time every day navel gazing. Speaking of navels, I have a flat belly button now and my lovely husband finds this hilarious.
Anyhow, sometimes as I reflect I can't help but feel the sadness that I've held inside from when we lost Baby Girl's big brother or sister. It seems like only yesterday we were pregnant for the first time and I was singing "Yellow" to another little fetus. I still feel the loss but yesterday I realized that I can listen to "Yellow," my happy song, again without being sad.
Now I mainly just feel trepidation and anxiety over getting through Baby Girl's birth and being a good mom.
I debated about posting about Baby Girl at this point, but we need all the warm thoughts and prayers we can get. Here's her latest ultrasound and her first smile!