Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I can't face another day

I'm pulled in every direction and feel like I'm letting every one down. I'm failing in all aspects of my life. I feel like every one wants me to be something I can't be to them.

I'm out of energy, time, money, motivation, heart. I don't think I can make it anymore. I daydream about what it would be like to not go on anymore.

I haven't felt this way since 9th grade when I tried to kill myself. Scary thing is I'm smart enough now to do it the right way. Frankly, the only thing keeping me alive are my cats.

How fucking pathetic is that?

You know what I want to tell every single one of you goddamn people today? Go fuck yourself. You ask me how I am, I say, "fine, how about you?" We exchange quick pleasantries, maybe, and then every one just wants something that I'm out of - energy, time, money, motivation, heart.

I'm going to go take some more Vicodin or Ambien, whatever is left, and try to sleep.

Good night.

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