Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Checking My Attitude

I'm having a hard time with life lately. Nothing serious is wrong. Just the stress of life, work, and marriage are getting to me. I'm feeling more depressed than I've ever felt in years. Raw. Torn.

Ever have those fleeting thoughts of how great it would be to swallow a bullet and just finish with all the bull$#!t of life? I know, not a popular conversation topic. I used to have those thoughts all the time to the point it was all-consuming. This is not like that. But, still it's scary to know my brain is even going There.

I don't cry often and cried twice this week. This morning I cried on the way to work just out of frustration. The Husband didn't even acknowledge it.

I yelled at him later today, then he of course told me to check my attitude. Of course I'm mad because it feels like he's completely insensitive, but I bet I'm just being a bitchy woman. My head is so clouded over I'm not sure which way is up or who is right. I have a feeling no one is.

All I know is I'm not happy, I'm homesick, and I feel like I'm floundering. I think I just need to find my place in this world and I feel like things are holding me back from that.

So, if I seem to have an attitude with you I'm sorry. Don't take it personally. I'm working on it.

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