Tuesday, March 17, 2009

As I lay me down to old age...

Apparently old age begins at twenty-seven. So, as of yesterday I am entering my twilight years. I have to say my age astounds me, but I don't quite feel elderly yet. Lonely perhaps, but not geriatric.

I spent my Monday, also my 27th birthday mostly alone. My coworkers all worked out of the office and I spent the evening alone since my darling husband had to work his second job as soon as he finished the first. I ate all my meals alone, had no birthday cake, blew out no candles, and laughed at cutesy birthday cards all pitifully alone.

But, wait! Not so pitiful. Sure I was lonely, but it made me realize something. Perhaps this is our essential humanity. We're born and we'll die alone. Only fitting to spend one supposedly celebratory day alone.

What is truly terrifying about this University of Virginia study is that apparently at 22 we've peaked! I sure hope not; I'll spare you the details of my 22 year old self. I hope I have more to learn, more to read, more to do. In fact I know I do. Who cares if it takes me longer to comprehend or I loose my keys occasionally?

On another topic (or is it?) apparently spring has sprung. It was an absolutely invigorating day. Living through Cleveland winters has given me a new, deep appreciation for the simple pleasures of life. Today I'm particularly thankful for the feel of the lake breeze in my hair whilst driving 85mph down Route 2 and coming home to home full of breeze and the fresh smell of the outdoors springing back to life. It is the best cure for my winter depressions. I'm truly thankful for the weather of all things. (Don't tell my wanna-be-meteorologist-husband!)

This warmth is quite a change from the bitter cold I felt at my cousin's funeral. Friday I drove up to Michigan and attended my cousin's visitation, then went to the funeral Saturday. I saw family on my paternal grandmother's side I don't believe I'd ever seen or hadn't seen since childhood. I've never seen so many redheads in one room! It was so sad to say goodbye to Nancy, she died so young and so quickly. She was only diagnosed with pancreatic cancer sixteen weeks ago. Watching her sons and husband grieve was an awful feeling. Nancy worked at a local police department and they officially closed her department for the visitation. A K-9 officer attended the funeral. The whimpering of the German Shepard that she loved was heart wrenching. The sounds the dog made were the sounds in her family's heart. The funeral procession of family and friends was so long, it must have been nearly a mile long. I knew she was a special lady and am so thankful so many other people had the gift of her in their lives also.

It's been a strange few days. From a funeral for someone too young to die, to a solitary birthday, to feeling alive again. There is some sort of theme there, right?

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